And then there was one.

I have realized that my intense likes are Glee. I love Glee. I download Glee.

And then my bottle of wine works very well for a microphone.

And a catalyst for writing blogs that are awesome.

And that you like to help me out with.

And read.


Virginia has gotten quite lonely as of late. I am perfectly content with doing things on my own, but it is difficult in the summer when I am thinking about baseball and raccoons.

Once upon a time, Patrick and I took our nightly journey into the woods behind his house to go to the park. We liked to go to the park for some reason, mostly because I demanded it of him. Swinging was very important at the age of 18.

On this trip, however, we encountered what I now believe may have been a ghost raccoon. Yes, if you look further back in my blog, I drew a picture of a ghost hyena. I now think that I must have channeled this from the ghost raccoon experience.

Patrick was being a good man. I think he may have even been my "almost boyfriend" at that point. So, because of his desire to become my "actual boyfriend", he decided to protect me from the ghost.

Or else, I made him chase it. No one remembers what exactly happened.

Patrick CHASED the ghost raccoon. Its eyes were glowing with some kind of intense, murderous rage.

I was fearful for our lives.

When Pat finally returned, I was relieved to see him intact and breathing. He didn't get turned into a zombie like I suspected him to.

In the end, we made it to the park. We planned to go to a baseball game.

And then it never happened.

So, on June 9th, 2011, about 5 years late, I am making it up to you Patrick. :)

I'll draw later. Bottle of wine microphone + glee reruns are calling me.

Kilkenny

Once upon a time, three adventurous teenagers who just got their driver's licenses decided to go on a little trip.

At every intersection one female would yell left, right, or straight to their unsuspecting driver.

Poor Matt.

Before he knew it, he was involved in the fantasy of every teenage girl from the countryside of Minnesota.

To own a farm.

These girls were on a hunt for not only a farm, but a haunted farm, and preferably they could have ghost cows and fainting goats.

Maybe about 30 minutes into this trip, Kilkenny, Minnesota was discovered...and it was everything that they could have hoped for.

There was enough land for creating a new sport: racing cows (of course).

By the time they were able to find their way home, they had forgotten where this lovely town was.

Luckily for me, the invention of google maps has happened. Here is a map of its location. I'm hoping that we can recreate the incredible find of such a beautiful town and also maybe find a fainting goat to keep as a pet in the meantime.

Why I haven't changed since I was 14 years old.

When I was 14, I was part of a group of friends that had formed our very own Dawson's Creek in the heart of Chaska, Eden Prairie, and Shakopee. 

Not only did we all date ONLY each other, but we also fought with ONLY each other.

It started with Christy. She brought it all on us all. Being Christian, private school girls, we were all dedicated to making lists about what qualities we wanted in our future husbands and then not dating anyone who had ANY of those qualities. 

During the very beginning of our freshman year of high school, Christy met a guy named Andy. I don't know how  except that it had something to do with instant messenger. 

She introduced us to him. He was the catalyst to the intense chemical reaction that exploded and destroyed everything surrounding us.

I was quite mischievous in those days, and also pretty jealous of Christy's new catch. I had to have it for myself. (Andy can make this story sound way more romantic, by the way.) I played all my cards right for the first 10 minutes of the conversation and I had him hooked.

The games girls play.

Soon after I made him like me, I started scheming. 

And before I could stop myself...

I tackled him. 

At the mall.

In front of everyone.

I knocked that boy LITERALLY off his feet.

The worst part of that story is this...I think I would still do that if I had the chance. In fact, I think any boyfriend I have had in the last 10 years can and would say that at some point in time I became overly aggressive and knocked them off their feet, just for my own amusement.

By the way, I am not a very big person. I am barely 5'5"...I just possess superhuman strength and motivation to cause destruction everywhere I go. 

 The best thing is this...I have something fun to say about EVERYONE of these kids...

Christy - now married, having a baby! and, as beautiful as ever

Me - Yeah, we already know, all that's changed is my hair color and the state I live in

Alison - Absolutely gorgeous. Travels all over last I heard.

And the boys, most of them are memories

Andy - My first kiss, we keep in good contact

Matt N - The elevator. You were so embarassed

Matt M. - I will never forget Derek's party, or all our adventures. Or Moulin Rouge.

Jon - You and Alison. I can't forget that disaster! 

Pat - The MN Twins need us. Nuff said. Oh, and Thanksgiving :) Plus all the late nights watching movies hiding out in your room with our bottles of captain/beer/gin/anything we got our hands on

Brian - You were my best friend. I miss you, every single day. Honestly.

Mike - I don't remember much of anything about you except you were always around. And quiet.

Adam - The first boy I ever fell in actual love with. I wish we talked. I wish you'd forgive me.

Things that should be washed right away or they smell bad.

I noticed an ant infestation in my kitchen today.

After a little more examination I found that maybe a candle burning constantly in the kitchen is really not the answer to the growing pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

I wish I had a pet T-Rex or something to come eat the leftovers because then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

However, after a little bit of smelling, I noticed a few things that need to be washed right away or they smell REALLY bad and may induce vomiting.

1. Ramen Noodles.
You have to wash this. For some reason the broth gets VERY thick and then it gets this putrid, awful, filmy, sweaty, moldy smell to it that you can't get rid of. Thank you Dawn with Bleach Alternative.

2. Mac and Cheese
Same story. The cheese curdles...yup, even the box cheese. I kid you not, you need to wash this RIGHT away.

3. Mashed potatoes
They just get hard, and as you scrape away at it, you get to the softer potatoes that are just as horribly disgusting. They smell like rotten feet.

This is reason number one I will never be a real adult. I should probably wash my dishes more often than when I need a plate and a fork. Stay tuned for more. And maybe I'll draw this weekend and add more!

I'm alive.

I have a huge canvas in my living room that has seemed to be taunting me the last several weeks of silence.

Every time I try to put a paintbrush to it, it ends up somehow creating some forcefield around it that throws spikes and sharp needles if I get too close.

This canvas is driving me crazy.

I thought it was the plastic around it, but I can't get close enough to remove the plastic.

It is also blocking the glade plugin that needs to be refilled but I can't move it without getting attacked.

Basically, I'm screwed.

I thought maybe if I somehow got my hands on an older piece of art I made for someone that I might be able to become inspired. Something got lost somewhere.

So then I began writing thousands of obscene blogs and drawing several pictures that I just can't seem to post.

Just wanted to update that I am alive, consuming beer and pie, and trying to figure out how to post a new interesting blog about my observations on the colors of cars and zombie apocalypses, because for Renee's sake, an instructional manual about how to survive a zombie apocalypse is necessary...and I miss her. <3

I just died from a terrible explosion...statistics is the cause

How to know if your best friend is a killer...and how to protect yourself if she is.

(Update: I wrote this a little drunk and sleep deprived. I'm posting it without reading it first.)

1. She has tagged you in an album on facebook called “no secret mission is complete without murder and rape.

If this ever happens, you are in danger. Although you were not the subject of her rage on this particular night, you have realized that there is probably reason to believe that you are best friends with a real life murderer.

2. She often cuts herself playing with knives

Whenever you talk to her, she has another story about how she was injured when cleaning a knife, putting away a knife, or looking at a knife which begs the question of why she always is in possession of a knife? Your friend is not a chef or a butcher, so there is no need for her to be consistently in the company of a knife.

3. She has no fear of blood and you will often find her reading books that involve destroying someone

She is probably gathering data on the procedure to destroy someone and to clean up after herself...or maybe she is studying the good guys moves. You just can't outsmart Nancy Drew unless you get inside her mind first. Clearly, your best friend has felt the need to do research on how to make sure she doesn't get caught.

4. Bed Intruder is her ringtone

Your best friend is most likely the bed intruder and is so proud that she managed to pull off her attempted murder and rape that she has to listen to the song all the time.

In order to protect yourself from such a beast, you must first figure out how to turn her into Cookie Monster or something. That way she can still give little kids nightmares, but she can also just sit around eating cookies (which will make her happy). Also, it is important that you become a zombie immediately because being a zombie means being able to more easily destroy her abilities. You will be able to read her mind and feel her fear. She will no longer kill if you do this, but she will be human forever.