How To Know When You S-I-N-G-L-E

1. You haven’t talked to them in 3 days.

There is a 3 day rule for relationships greater than 1.5 months old.  If you haven’t communicated with each other for greater than 3 days, than guess what? He doesn’t care enough about you to answer his phone or call you. The only excuse for this behavior is if you (the girlfriend) put bubblegum in his phone or dropped it in some form of liquid (on accident of course, you have no need to ruin his life yet!)

2. You make a raging play list on itunes without even thinking about it.

Songs include “What the hell” by Avril Lavigne. Soon you find yourself singing catchy tunes about how he never calls or listens to you…and then it applies to your life. And then after that it’s all over. You find a million songs until the minor raging play list has turned into a man hating rampage. You clearly are just so mad right now you could care less about what this stupid guy thinks. Before you know it, you’ve listened to Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats so many times that you are convinced that he is cheating on you and that you should ruin his life.

3. You sent them a sweet email that you are both now ignoring and pretending never happened

This definitely means that he probably doesn’t give a crap or else he just never reads his email. You know the latter to be untrue because you have seen him check his email in front of you. It may have been a vodka induced state that gave you the liquid courage to express your feelings, but obviously, he’s just not that into you because he hasn’t commented on it AT ALL.

4. You can’t really mess with them at all because they are so passive about everything

They don’t think you are any fun anymore, or else they are too busy being a grown up to enjoy a little comic relief in their day. This is when you dress up in all of your craziest clothes and polka dance around him to try to get him react to anything. Don’t worry, he’ll be in a semi-comatose state ignoring your every move. Yep, it’s over.


The good news is, hopefully you trapped the essence of him into some kind of creative outlet. Maybe you can twist your words into knives or just delete everything good you ever wrote about him, because he is proving to not be as good as you thought he was because he doesn’t care about what you need to be happy.