An Open Letter To My Apartment Complex

Dear Apartment Complex,

As you may have noticed, there is snow on the ground. A lot of it.

Generally, in the winter months, snow removal becomes important for the ability of humankind to participate in their day to day activities. You know, work, to make money to pay the rent?

However, when I returned home on Friday evening, no snow or ice removal was evident. Instead, I had to maneuver my car over a mountain of disgusting, icy, snow slush until I had created a parking space. This would be understandable if the snow had just stopped, but it was 2 days past.

This morning, I crossed a path of black ice that almost killed me which begged the question of why there was no salt on the ground. Maybe with the increase in rent you could make our living environment safer??

Love,
Alli

When Parents Are Away, Alli Will Play!

All I wanted to do was have a swimming pool inside. All the cool kids had one and I felt like I must deserve one too. Plus, since I was the only child and my parents gave me everything BUT a swimming pool, it only made sense that I begin building one for myself.

Of course my parents could know nothing about this.

I checked to make sure no one was around. The dog was sleeping, dad was at work, and mom was downstairs working...

I guess my mom was either so focused that she didn't care what her 2 year old was doing, or she thought I was sleeping, but my plans to build the gigantic swimming pool began.

The wood floor in my room was good enough I figured because it would hold a lot of water. 

And this way I could easily just jump out of my bed in the morning and go swimming just like Ariel did in The Little Mermaid.

The only thing to do was begin filling several cups full of water and throw them on the floor. Since I was pretty small, the water would be deep enough soon enough and then all my fun would begin.

Visions of me in my water wings kept crossing my mind as I continued to fill the room with water. I was like a rabid hyena, laughing and running and filling the room up. 

This is when my mom realized something was wrong.

My room was right above her little office area in the basement.

And water was starting to drip down through the ceiling near her computer.

My room wasn't holding water, and it was starting to take longer than I thought to fill the room. My little body was starting to get tired and the water was getting heavy to carry.

So my mom caught me.

I was pretty disappointed. My mom was pretty mad. Good thing I was the cutest kid ever and they couldn't do anything to me! :) 

The Cheesecake Factory Adventure

Last night, Best Friend (aka NOT boyfriend) took me out to dinner for the first time ever. It took me forever to get dressed because I figured this was a once in a lifetime type of deal. If he hadn't taken me out to eat yet, he probably wouldn't ever do it again. I finally (after 3 hours, a nap, and 20 million phone calls to Best Friend) decided to continue wearing my sweater dress because I could wear leggings (basically, it's like not wearing pants, which is amazing).

On my way to his house I get a text from him telling me that he is going to take a shower and to just knock on the door when I get there so his parents can let me in. I get there and knock. Nothing. It's cold out. I knock again. Nothing. I hear laugher inside. I knock again. Nothing. So I decided to just sit quietly outside until maybe Jesse would let me in.

Finally I get inside.

No one could hear me knocking.

After a little while, Jesse finally picks out his clothing (apparently this was just as epic of a situation as I thought it was, so he struggled too) and decides to show me this stupid car racing game on the internet for about 10 minutes before I made my demand known that I must eat. Being as smart as he is, he shows me one more race and we go.

Soon enough we are sitting awkwardly at a restaurant together. It was awkward. What do you talk about? So we decided to continue our conversation about Zelda and the Water Temple that we were going to need to beat.

This is when the butter incident happened.

I couldn't get the wrapper off so I handed it to Jesse to get off. By this point both our hands are covered in butter. I wanted to share it with him so we wouldn't get fat so we just broke it in half with our butter covered hands.

We ate like wild animals.

This is when I realized, there is a reason why Jesse and I don't eat together in public EVER. It's like demons possess us and we start eating like we had never eaten before. Food is everywhere, I am attempting to not spill, he's attempting to not knock over my glass of water.

It was just a different combination.

Needless to say, we decided to eat our cheesecake at my house. We then proceeded to play Zelda until we fell asleep on the futon and then woke up to play some more.

I love my best friend. <3

Storks, Broken Hearts, Trouble...OH MY!

I'd like to start this post educating the world on the multiple purposes of the Stork. Of course it often brings babies to unsuspecting couples, however, it also is responsible for delivering girlfriends to the men of the world.

Women have known this secret for years obviously because when they have been picked up and transplanted to different corners of the country and world repeatedly, it would be necessary for an explanation.

This is how I ended up in NoVA. That darn stork scooped me up and made me go all over the Virginia. These stupid men keep ditching me so it comes and gets me and puts me somewhere else. So far, I'm liking my current placement. 

Which leads me to how to avoid a broken heart. Don't look for a girlfriend. You need to be patient and wait for the stork to transplant the perfect girl into your life. It will happen seamlessly and easily. Searching is ruining the storks mojo and has led to each poor woman's repeated transplantation until she is placed with a nice unsuspecting man.

Let her stay in one place. It is better for her sanity and yours. 

I am still alive!

I have been quiet lately.

Sorry.

It seems that school and working 70 hours a week while balancing special people drained me. If I could melt, I was the puddle on the ground. My brain leaked out of my ears as well, leading me to make some strange decisions.

First, I decided to become a hippie and only wear peasant shirts and floral prints. Turns out, I look good in floral prints.

Second, I started deciding to never match ever. Sometimes it works. Today is questionable. I will post a picture.

Third, I almost switched what grad school I am in. I came to my senses after telling my other half about it. (literally other half-knows what you are thinking before you say it-mirror-balancing-teammate-friend-trusty sidekick).

Writing that last line was sort of comforting and shook me awake. You don't often end up around someone who can be everything in one.

I should keep that safe.

Coworkers noticed my incredible efforts at balance and all my attempts to not destroy the entire world.

Great success. As tired as I am today, I actually feel pretty good about the future. That's a first. Normally I impulsively make terrible decisions like getting married, engaged, moving in with someone before I was ready for that kind of relationship, moving to Norfolk, sometimes I wonder if moving to Virginia was a crappy decision. All of these terrible decisions worked out though and I have a career, home, car, happiness, and really good friends.

Plus, all the bad things that have happened only taught me what not to do and how to handle everything.
I promise you, for a 23 year old, I really might know SOMETHING about most things.

...so, this is my happy, I am alive, balanced, and good blog.

I will post a few pictures later.

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I get more ridiculous on a daily basis.

Today I was yelling at someone on the phone, kinda out of frustration.

I didn't think anyone was around so I yelled "YOU CAN PUT YOUR SPERM WHEREVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT WITH NO CONSEQUENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mistake.

Someone was sitting in their car with the window down.

Now everyone knows how I feel about men.

They suck!

While they sit there and complain that their girlfriend is annoying them, I am sitting there wondering if they know what she is going through. She has to bleed for 7 days every month to prepare her body for the child that she might someday carry that may be yours. She has to get bloated, emotional, tired, irritable, swell up, be nauseated, have to unplug her air fresheners because they are too strong, deal with cramps, pay money for supplies, pick up after you, deal with your bad attitude, take a pill every month to prevent your from having offspring...

Basically, you suck.

I have a really bad habit!

I tell people EXACTLY what I think of their behavior these days.

"There is absolutely no reason to be THAT rude." I said to someone today.

Yesterday I think I said something similar to the same person.

My opinions of someone are carried through my speech and they are brutally honest.

Yesterday I realized this was an issue I should begin to work on. Maybe I should be a better liar. Even if I try to lie, my face gives me away...either that or I start giggling. I am a terrible liar. I have no idea how to control myself and my comments.

Some are appreciative of my honesty. I will be the first person to tell you that you have something on your face, in your teeth, or toilet paper stuck to your ass.

In fact, I recently told someone in the elevator that it was her time of the month and it was all over her butt. Talk about EMBARRASSING. I debated saying anything that time, but there was NO WAY I was going to let this girl walk around that way.

Even more than objective things that you notice that might be on someone, I am famous for telling people EXACTLY what I think of them, positive or negative.

It can not be changed.

I have debated even deciding to break this habit into "constructive criticism" before I realized that assholes should learn that they suck and should change. I tell them this.

Telling someone how RUDE they are today was my feeling of accomplishment. I could walk around all day with my head held high knowing that I am a NICE girl and that people like me. (I don't know if people like me because I am really weird and weird girls are in style right now or if people think that I am cool because I am just that cool).

However, even though I know it is not socially acceptable to call certain people assholes and mean it, I don't think I will ever change. Maybe I could stand to develop a little more tact. Maybe it is the mental health professional within me causing me to redirect EVERYONE. Or maybe, I am perfect the way I am and you should never expect anything but the truth from me when I tell you how I feel about you.

Compliment or insult? Up to you to decide!