#1 The Sexual Reference
This text almost always comes when you are with someone that you are dating. It refers to sexual tension or a past relationship that you had downplayed until then. Almost always, you have told the new boyfriend/dating guy/special friend that it is safe to check your phone for you and they inevitably stumble upon this text. This creates a period of silence and quiet questioning that you can't ever stop.
There is unfortunately no real way to fix this one. You both can ignore the awkward truth, become jealous, or break up. None are good options. Neither is lying. Don't even try.
#2 The Ex Wishing You Happy Holidays
This text will find you at midnight on New Years telling you to have fun and be safe. Inevitably, you are left confused as to why this person still has your number after 3 years. Upon further investigation you realize that this isn't a mass text because your name is in the message....The ex text is only nice if there is not a 3 year gap from the last time you spoke. It's almost creepy.
In this case, ignoring it is probably your best option. Play dumb if necessary...or if the texts continue until 1:30am and you really want to sleep, there is no shame in pretending that you just got this new number and have no idea who this is. :)
#3 The Text About You That Wasn't Meant For You
This can be awkward no matter what the content of the text is. Either a surprise party is being thrown, or someone hates you. I like to text back in the negative situation thanking the sender for being so kind as to tell you how they really feel. I wish I could see their face when this happens, unfortunately texts are impersonal. If it is an exciting text, you must pretend you don't know so they don't change the surprise. (If you are me, it's hard to not experience convulsions of excitement when you see the not so sneaky texter).
#4 The Drunk Text
Usually it is a bunch of scrambled letters, numbers, and symbols. You can't decipher this message and clearly the drunk person wants you to respond because they keep texting you this garbage. Texting back is usually ineffective because their eyes are too blurry to know what you are saying anyway. Turn your phone off and smack the offender early in the morning to wake them from their hungover sleep.
#5 The Attempt To Fight Text
This person will send you a very passive aggressive message about something you did that they didn't like. Clearly in an attempt to upset you, they might call you names, undermine your authority, or even tear up the work you have been doing. Don't get mad. This stupidity will bite them in the butt someday. It's best to ignore it, especially when you run into them in public. I always act incredibly sweet, and then they don't know what to do. :)
#6 The Will You Be My Girlfriend Text
Ignore it. The lucky person should not be so afraid of rejection and should just ask in person. For that matter, who even asks anymore!
#7 The Breakup Text
This is the worst kind of text. Obviously, they can't handle emotions. This is where I suggest a clever response... or not! You can just show up to whatever your normal plans are and force them to face you.
When in doubt, pretend you didn't get the message. You look way cooler and they look dumb. What could be better then that?!
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