The Boyfriend Test

Apparently many women have become confused about boyfriends. I guess they kind of don't exist anymore, which is fine for them, but it leads women into an almost psychosis trying to figure out what to do to try to exert some power or claim territory.

I am probably no exception considering I have developed a 5 step test to figure out if he is your boyfriend or not.

#1 Light yourself on fire and see if he extinguishes you.

The best way to do this is by challenging him to a roman candle fight. This way, when you both catch on fire, he might put yours out first. If you feel the need to light yourself on fire, please attempt to light the pants area so you don't lose your hair. If he saves you at all, he is probably your boyfriend. Boys don't save girls they don't care about.

#2 Propose a relationship on Facebook

This is pretty self explanatory. Make sure you do this while he is sleeping so that when he wakes up he has to decide to confirm it or ignore it. His foggy mind thinks more in your favor than his awake, clear mind.

#3 Devise a way to get him to call his parents in front of you

Imagine you are cooking together and something goes suddenly very wrong. Get him to call his parents to ask for help. He will be pressured to answer the question of why he was cooking or who he is cooking with. Either way, your name is going to come up! If he denies your presence or calls you a friend, he is a sleaze bag and will never become your boyfriend.

#4 Become clingy around his friends

When you are with him and his friends, insist on holding hands and kissing him. If he allows this, then he is definitely your boyfriend. Also, he might introduce you as his girlfriend which might solve the problem. If he doesn't let you kiss him, or stops bringing you around, then he doesn't deserve to be your boyfriend anyway!

#5 Draw him a ridiculous picture and see what he does with it

When you give the boyfriend in question a picture you drew, gauge his reaction. Either he will be so overcome with happiness that he declares his love, or he will give you a fake smile. These don't matter as much as what he does with the pictures you give him. He will either hang it up, or set it to the side. Hanging it up indicates that he is your boyfriend because he will be forced to explain why he has ghost hyenas hanging up in his place.

My friend Mike says that these are ridiculous and do not gauge a man's commitment to you. I disagree. Talking to him and asking about titles only confuses and scares a man...avoid this at all costs!

Now, go get him ladies!

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